Funny Quotes

From my Facebook:

"What makes it the 'Worst Porn Ever'?"
"Well, its just like a normal porn.....until the girl on a wheelchair rolls in."

"reception oppsuh!!"

"This merely means that the particle is both inside and outside of the box at the same time."

"We should make goose-neck gravy...its so good...you use the neck of a goose to make a gravy."
"Whoa..."
"Yeah....but its so strong that you really only need half the neck."
"What do we do with the other half?"
"....Reattach the head and make a duck."

Bob: "I knew you were going to LA man, but how do you expect to me to visit you in Pasadena? I can't get to Texas!"

Steve on girls of different races: "They all look the same when the lights are out....unless they're fat....I'm an equal opportunity lover."

Eugena: "I really like sugar water with lemon."
Me: "....Lemonade?"
Eugena: "......No....sugar water with lemon."

Hung: "No guys, seriously, would you rather bite into a butt or a rock?"

Eugena: "Boiling is my favorite medium."

Eugena: "If I had to eat white people food for the rest of my life, I'd cry."

genasama: i decided today
: that i use ridiculous too often
: from now on
: it's
: hang on
: im having a hard time spelling it
: PREPOSTEROUS!

Eugena: "Can you BELIEVE that he's only TWENTY SIX?"
*forty minutes later*
Eugena: "Yeah, he's 26! Born in 1971...81...91...yeah, twenty six!"

Jeremy: "Oh yeah! The bird turkey!...wait... turkey cake!"

Root(Dan): "OH OH did you use shizophrenic...wait...what's that word...schizophrenic...PAPARAZZI!!"

On scheduling, Professor Ezra: "....Right, well this is all too complicated for me, back to thermodynamics."

Root(Dan): "OH YEAH I NEED TO BUY SOAP! I'm gonna go to NOYES TO BUY SOAP!!! I ran out of soap......*quietly* I won't tell you guys how long ago."

Jeremy: "Ok, so...I'm going to ask you the stupidest question ever. What letter comes after 'k'?"

Me: "My next class is in Riley Robb."
Somean: "Eh? Where's that?"
Me: "Past Dairy Bar."
Somean: "...You know...when you said 'Riley Robb,' I thought it was an amusement park..."

*10 mins later*
Me: "Do you know where Riley Robb is?"
Karl: "No..."
Somean: "It's an amusement park on campus!"
Karl: "OH MAN SERIOUSLY?"

CronoZero15: and yoda is probably one of the main contributing reasons why green is my favorite color
genasama : yoda is prolly one of the main contributing reasons for your homosexual tendencies

i * Root(Dan): "Can I have your rice krispie treat?"
me: "...aren't you getting up anyway...?"
i * Root(Dan): "Yeah...but i want THAT one...i want what is hard to get."

Jeremy: "This orange juice is delicious today."
Me: "I agree."
Root(Dan): "REALLY? Can i smell that one?.....wait...it smells the same. "


Luke: "I'm not wearing the hats today because 1. I thought it would give you guys good luck, and 2. they were a source of awkwardness this weekend...like...I got hit on by a theater major-"
Guy: "What was his name?"

Me: "I'm gonna have to give you an I. O. U."
Hainlee: "What's that? A contraceptive?"

In Scheele:
Senior to another senior: "The mass fraction of my hate towards you has just increased."

eipXen : and you probably shouldn't be up at 1 on what is technically your birthday
CronoZero15 : that.
: would be tomorrow.
: haha
eipXen : not anymore
: lol
CronoZero15 : no
: brian
: uh
: tuesday
: was the 6th
: wednesday is the 7th
: today is now wednesday...
eipXen : oh fuckballshits

Jeremy: "Its like quicksand! Except it doesn't look quick...or sand."

Jeremy: "I like multiple string guitars."

Eugena: "Weren't you hairier yesterday?!?!"

Adrian: "Dunkin' Donuts are like cheap, over-madeup prostitutes."

Eugena: "All her friends talk like her. They're like CLOOOoooOOOONES. Cept they look different."

CronoZero15 : bottom line is
: i'm sure you don't smell that offensive
starrlightz12 signed off at 8:58:52 PM.

genasama : for shame aaron
: for shame
: *nods head*
: *sideways*
CronoZero15 : hahahahah
: did you forget how to do this?
: *shakes head*
genasama : pretty much

X trying to make me feel better:
taketesi : do you want
: um
: a slimfast?

cashisabird (2:42:01 AM): i just spent an hour on a physics problem because, for whatever reason, it wasn't obvious to me that the length of a meter stick was one fucking meter

CronoZero15 (1:47:01 PM): i'm gonna grab a shower, methinks
Kimothy1313 (1:47:22 PM): haha
Kimothy1313 (1:47:53 PM): i was trying to come up with something witty to say about grabbing a shower, but nothing came

Eugena: "DUUUDE, get better so i can SASS you"

Jeremy: "They have an answer for 13.3!"
Julie: "Does it involve hyperbolic sine and cosine?"
David: ".....iiiiiiiiiii hope those are constants!"

Julie: "Today in fluids office hours, someone was like 'In my other class, we had to cure cancer...and that was easier than this.'"

Julie: "Guess where I was born!"
Jeremy: "Texas?"
Julie: "No, think of a place worse than Texas."
...
*3 mins later*
Julie: "I can't believe we can't think of a place worse than Texas."
Me: =(

Burch: "LOOK I GOT A 100%"
Eugena: "I believe i got more 100's then you..."
Burch: *looks at his 100% in noise build* "I BELIEVE I GOT MORE NOISE BUILD THEN YOU!"

Linlin: "Don't put it there, it'll stink"
Me: "That's what she said."
Linlin....3 hours later: "I still don't get how that's what she said works for that one..."
Me: "Think about it."
Linlin: "Ok, so don't put it there it'll stin EWWWWW"

Emily: "That's what I said."